I Shall Be a Flower 24: Painful Lust

Rejecting her gesture and voice
without even letting my ego know,
hiding my gesture and voice
deep in my ego,
with boring spiritual lecture
as a background music,
seeing her over there in front
as the heroine in a movie,
I was a man swallowing a pain
In the dark movie theater
watching a movie with my lust.
It was fortunate
that I was not fallen
into her stealthy temptation
and I was not tricked by my own trap.
I almost forgot
that I was becoming a flower.
But I could try to compare
my pain of lust and desire
with the pain of Jesus on the cross.
The agony of Jesus
was not from flesh-piercing nails,
not from people’s merciless contempt,
but from the sugary temptation
of Mary Magdalene,
so even though I am dozing
on the hard chair in sanctuary,
my pain of not materializing the lust
is not less than the pain of Jesus.
 

Dumped By His Own Father (Matthew 27:46)

Jesus was dumped by God – His own Father
just like I dump a trash bag of stinking garbage
A bag with no non-filthy stuff in a corner
Jesus was THE dumpster full of human carnage

No wonder His own Father forsook Him
Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?
Jesus was really abandoned by God’s whim
It was not a freak show from Dead Sea

Jesus was not acting as a Hero
He was so real so he looked phony
I can hear Jesus’ outcry in absolute zero
I could feel His despair as his crony

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
I believe I am trashed too by my Creator
My body and mind is a trash bag full of sinful glee
The only way to join Jesus’ theater?

How about watching Mel Gibson’s
the Passion of the Crist and
How about feeling empathy for Jesus’
excruciating pain everybody shunned?

When I Die

Deaths are rampant these days
All around the world
I see my own death
It’s a huge black bear
Watching me roaming behind a humungous tree
I see no way out
Just waiting for the bear to devour me
Yeah! Death is so near but
The bear looks so cute

I am curious
How will a guy like me
Who’s been moping around
For his whole life
Die?
What kind of death is being prepared for him?
What kind of dying mode is appropriate for me

When I die
Will I be in severe pain or
Will I die peacefully while sleeping?
Will I be the same guy as now or
Will I become a different or better guy?
Will I have a time to review my life?
Well, I have plenty of time to look back on my
Now…

What would be the last person in my mind
When I die?
I hope it would be a woman
Or since I will be so obsessed with dying
There will be no place for any person
Any dog any cat?

My death would be a shadow of my life
Sounds like a beautiful expression but
Is it proper?